Saturday, May 22, 2010

Realization of Placement

When I was growing up, I knew on no uncertain terms that I was my parents kid. It was as most kids felt that they belong to their parents. On the same token, parents felt as if they owned their children. My parents did their best to raise me in a loving environment. They always provided me with food, a home and support as a child. It was a good family relationship considering the difficulties my parents grew up with, especially my mother. Difficulties arose as adolescence approached. When feeling the need to express my own difference or independence, it was often met with anger or discouragement. "You are my kid and you will do as I say." "Why?, because I told you so!" When I started wanting to date, there was much friction as the girls often did not meet expectation, impossible expectations by a mother who wanted to hand pick my mate. She generally was amicable, but I heard about it in the end. She really did not get to know the girls I dated with few exceptions. My buddies loved her because she spoiled them and I'm not sure the reason, but she was mothering to them. But to me, there was much control with "I raised you to be....this or that " or the use of guilt, pride or threat of disappointment. This is not meant to be a total negative criticism of my parents, rather a review of the circumstances that I as well as many of my peers were raised. I know without a doubt that my folks loved me the best that they could. Coming from backgrounds were it seemed that anything could be taken away at any time, they latched on to things, possessions, home and especially their kids with protection, oversight and tight control. Ownership.
I became a parent nearly 23 years ago. I felt a similar relationship to my kids. There was great pride and responsibility to provide for them and support them There was nothing more important to me. This feeling cannot be known until you are a parent. The pride you feel as you watch them grow and see them evolve into functioning little people makes all the effort seem worth it. It can be so easy to relive your own life through them. To some degree this is only natural and even perhaps healthy. But we must remember that it is their life. We do not own our children. They are equal in every way to their parents as humans and spirit. One is not superior. The parent has only acquired more experience than the child and is expected to use that experience to nurture and guide the child to maturity. The child is not a means to recover lost dreams of glory or accomplishment. We are here to care for, love and help our kids reach their own full potential. Granted each of us must draw on our own experiences to do that. The challenge is to not repeat negative behavior. Not to repeat failed processes that were tried on us. Realize the importance of the job we do and the influence we have on our offspring. Know that the effort and care we give to these young humans that we assist in the world is in and of itself such a reward that cannot truly be equaled or fully understood. When giving of yourself to another without expectation, you raise the energy, the vibration of not just yourself or the recipient, you raise the level of consciousness of all the world in a small way. Although the child is a part of us, it is not our property or minion. It is our gift. The child helps us grow equally if not more than we give. Without my own experience as a child, with a mother and father who I believe did their best, I would not have grown to the man I am Today. With love and light, I express gratitude to my parents and my kids

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